A Reflection
by Fairyhome2000
Summary: Terra tries to make sense of the chaos that her life has become. (Kind of a sequel to Unpetrify.)


**A Reflection**

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans, but I think they're fascinating. Consequently, I write stories to purposely twist their lives. Any complaints?

- - -

"You don't have any friends."

Ouch, those words.

It's not as if I don't know that I deserved them. I mean, seriously, they invited me in, let me join the team, and I betrayed them.

But there's one part about that whole sequence that bugs me. The "let." They _allowed_ me into their lives. People are always _letting_ me be apart of them. What's the matter, sweetie, you don't have any place to stay? Sure, you can stay with us...Until we suspect your mutant ways. Then we'll drive you out of our home, out of our city. We don't like _your_ kind; they're a danger and a menace to society.

Okay, so that only happened once. Well, twice. But still! I always had to move on for the good of everyone else. I was too afraid to stick around because at some point my powers would flare up and cause some kind of geological chaos. No thank you. So, I never really settled down long enough to study my own abilities. Plus, they felt so creepy. Kind of alien, like they weren't really apart of me, just something freaky I could do.

It wasn't until a few towns just before I reached Jump City that I could use my powers and get any sort of joy out of it. I remember it was spring, a very bright and happy kind of day, and I was out near one of the creeks. The creek fed a hungry lake, just like dozens of other trickles of water that sprang out of the ground for miles around. I'm surprised the whole place hasn't turned into a swamp.

Anyway, I was watching a group of kids skip stones. One of the girls--a real friendly sort--glanced my way and waved her hands at me like she wanted me to join in. I shook my had and faded back into the woods out of her sight. After all, I was the big, tough loner. I didn't need no stinkin' kid games.

Actually, I just wasn't very good at skipping stones. Plus, watching all of those kids play together, laughing and chatting as they threw _rocks _into a lake, for God's sake, filled me with a kind of sadness that I didn't want to share with anyone.

After they left to do whatever kids with families do, I walked over to the lake's edge and tried throwing a few stones. Even the flattest stone I picked sank right to the bottom without so much as a hop.

Stupid rocks.

Then I started to think. What if I could understand the rocks better? Maybe the secret to all that skipping was knowing what the essence of a rock was. I know, I know, it sounds crazy now, but it seemed brilliant at the time, I swear. The point is, for the first time, I used my power to pick up one of the stones and examine it with both my eyes _and _my power.

Guess what I found out?

There really _is_ an honest-to-goodness "essence of rock." No, really. Each stone I picked up told me a different story. This one was a river rock, worn smooth but stubborn as a mule about sticking around. This one was underground rock once, and its home was the dark, damp earth. And this one was part of a mountain once. I could feel its awe at being a part of something so immense.

That last one I plucked out of the air and shoved into my pocket; someday, I think I'll turn it into a necklace or something. I wanted to hold on to that feeling of belonging. I wanted to belong. A family, maybe. I haven't had one of my own for as long as I can remember--my earliest memories start in an orphanage.

The other stones floated around my head, like I was the sun and they were my faithful little planets. I sort of liked that idea. Grinning, I sent one sailing over the surface of the lake. To my complete surprise, it skipped not once, not twice, but _seven_ times before sinking.

Well, gee.

But that's not what you wanted to hear about, is it? You wanted to talk about betrayal. Well, here it is.

I didn't have any friends. And it was my own damn fault.

Weren't expecting that, were you? I know that I did wrong by them. I threw every bit of kindness they showed me back in their faces. They built me a killer room, I tried to exterminate every one of them. Not exactly a fair trade.

But what else could I do? I mean, c'mon, I was working for _Slade_. He could tear me apart limb by limb using his feet. Well, maybe not his feet. I mean, feet aren't the most dexterous of body parts.

But I digress.

I was terrified of him. Hell, I was terrified of me! I spent my whole life running away so that no one got hurt, and then suddenly I had made it my life's ambition to hurt _everyone_. A priority change like that is really good for numbness and "going through the motions." I really couldn't tell you what happened from the point that Beast Boy shattered my heart. Wait, shattered?

Yeah, I guess that's what he did. From best friend to enemy in seconds flat. Man, it's hard to get him angry, but once he does, watch out.

I didn't think he'd change his mind. I saw the look on his face when he realized what I'd done, that I'd betrayed them all. He was so angry, so hurt, after the denial went away. And then he said those awful, awful words.

"You don't have any friends."

God, that hurt. You don't just give up on friends, do you? Isn't that, like, some kind of universal taboo? Thou shalt bathe every day, and thou shalt not kick the dirt in thy friend's face. Of course, that one's probably right next to thou shalt not screw over thy's best friends. But he did. So, I did.

I gotta say, at first, even though I was _totally_ disconnected from anything realistic, I kind of enjoyed kicking their butts. Here were the great, famous Teen Titans, that other cities all over the country whined about not having, and I defeated every one of them. What a power trip. But reality came back in pieces. I walked through all the places we used to go--the park, the pizza place, the beach--and it was all dead. Deserted. But the memories kept grabbing me by the throat. I tried to stay detached from it all, but those same memories that had warmed my heart before were hitting it like daggers in those empty streets. Hard to maintain a psychotic breakdown when your heart feels like it's being shredded.

And then the unthinkable happened--they were _alive!_ In that moment, it was like I had sobered up or something. I was elated; I hadn't killed them after all. But, they were stalking me, moving through the fog like ghosts. I was suddenly terrified. After all, I had tried to _kill_ them.

After that, it was all panic mode. Fighting was just instinctual. I mean, they were _pissed_, with good reason. So I fought, and then I did what I do best in these kind of situations...I ran away.

Trouble is, when you're working for a masked sociopath with complete control over all of your movements, there's not a lot of places to run. And he was pissed, too.

You know what happened after that...the yelling, me trying to get naked and failing, and then Slade pummeling me into the ground. Just fills me up with all kinds of happy goodness inside.

It was so easy to let him take control. I could have fought him. I even thought about it, but it was so easy just to let him have what he wanted. I probably would have let him control me for the rest of my life, if it hadn't been for Beast Boy.

Funny how everything seems to go back to him, huh? The cause of my admittedly schizo breakdown, and the only person in the world worth saving. How _does _he do it?

And so I fought. I fought Slade with every ounce in me to keep him from using my powers to slice up my best friend. And just when I thought I couldn't do it, Beast Boy gave me the choice.

I could be the one to let someone into _my _life.

And I won the battle for control, just like that. Only, _not _just like that. The suit was malfunctioning, I could feel it. After all, it was "integrated into my nervous system" or whatever. Slade's such a control freak.

But back to the suit. It was amplifying my power, but at the same time making the power uncontrollable. I guess that's why he hadn't gotten around to using that feature yet; I suppose it's kind of hard to figure out how to control something when it's destroying everything around you. Maybe he was planning on sticking me in some kinda scientific experimental whatsit room that could reflect the powers, or...

Sorry, got off track.

So, the suit. Yeah. The only way I knew to stop the earthquakes was to melt the stone, and the only way to stop the whole place from turning Jump City into an Eastern, and much less interesting, version of Pompeii was to cool it off. And the only way to stop the suit from messing with my control was to seal myself up.

Damn, how do I get myself into these situations? Destroy a whole lotta the good ol' US of A, or turn yourself into a permanent lawn gnome. What kind of a choice is that?

Simple: the only one I had.

So...petrified. Not cool. Not pleasant. Really stiff and cold afterwards. I really don't recommend it, although I'll bet it'd cure the common cold. Interestingly, the turning to stone bit seemed to short the suit out, and all of those little wires that were messing with my insides kind of got absorbed into my body.

They told me a lot of time passed while I was sealed up. They haven't gotten around to telling me how _much _time, specifically. I think they're trying not to shock me too much. What gets me is that they took me back. Even Raven. That's so...I mean, they're really...It's really great to...

Aww, man, now I'm crying. I didn't want _that _to happen.

The only one that didn't come to get me was Beast Boy. I'm going to see him in a little bit. I'm...nervous. They said he wasn't there because he didn't want to see another failure--how many times did they try to unpetrify me, anyway? That's so...Oh, enough with the tears already!--so he stayed behind. But what if it's just that he doesn't want to see me? I really couldn't stand that, you know, because I really lo--

- - -

"Terra why do you engage in conversation with your reflection? Does it respond to your dialogue?" Starfire asked from the doorway, obviously confused. Terra swiped at her face, erasing all signs of tears.

"No, I'm just psyching myself up for a visit, is all," she responded with a wobbly smile. Starfire leaned in to hug her.

"All will be well, my battle sister," Starfire murmured into the smaller girl's hair. Terra took in a trembling breath.

"Okay, I'm ready. Time to go tell Beast Boy that I'm alive and kicking."

**End Story**

Well, _Unpetrified _was supposed to be a one-shot, but apparently the rest of my brain had other plans. This is dedicated to MorningHell, my very first reviewer. Thanks, babe; without you, I never would have had the guts to post any of my other stories.

I hope there are some Terra-bashers out there reading this; that's most of the reason why it was written. I say no to tar and feathering Terra, and I'm proud of that proclamation! (Okay, it's late, and I might be a little tired. But I'll feel mostly the same tomorrow, just a little less...hyper.)

**To Jefepato:** Thank you for pointing out that I needed to edit. I think I found all of the spelling errors, but the grammar's supposed to be that way since that's how I write Terra's dialogue. Thank you so much!

Please review!

Fairyhome2000


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